4 mistakes that we make when apologize

4 mistakes that we make when apologize

Most people formally apologizes and insincere, and it harms the relationship. Coach Andy Molinsky talks about the four mistakes that we make, apologizing. It is difficult to admit mistakes and apologize for them even harder - you need to look into the eyes of a man, to find the right words, to choose the right cadence. However, if you want to maintain the relationship, you can’t do this without apologies. Perhaps you, like many others, are doing one or more of the common mistakes. Learn more with our blog and check out our random chat.


You say, "Well, I'm sorry" and "Excuse me" and think that this is enough. Empty apology - it's just a shell, inside of which there is nothing. Sometimes you feel that you do or say something wrong, but so angry, frustrated, or angry; he did not even try to understand what your fault is and what can be done to remedy the situation. You just say the words, but do not invest in them. And it is obvious to the person to whom you address an apology.


You exclaim: "I'm so sorry! I feel terrible! "Or" I'm so sorry about what happened, I cannot sleep at night! Can I somehow make amends? Well, tell me, what do you do not take offense at me!" Apologies are about to correct the error, resolve differences and thus to improve relations. Excessive excuses don't contribute. You attract attention to your feelings, and not to what did wrong. Such an apology only draws attention to you, but do not solve the problem. Sometimes excessive emotions do not match the degree of guilt. For example, you had to prepare copies for all participants but forgot to do so. Rather than apologies concisely and quickly remedy the situation, you begin to beg for forgiveness from the boss. Another form of excessive apology - repeated many times in a row, that you are very sorry. So you are literally forcing the interlocutor, pushing him to say that he forgives you. In any case, excessive apology focused not on the person you have harmed, not on what happened between you, and not on rebuilding your relationship. If you want to have some fun – try our chat with girls online.


You look the person in the eye and say, "I'm sorry that it happened." Such an apology is better excessive or empty, but they are not very effective. Sincere apologies, the purpose of which - to establish relations include three essential components:

  • taking responsibility for their role in the situation, and an expression of regret;
  • asking for forgiveness;
  • promise to do everything possible to what happened never happens again.

The incomplete apology is always something missing. For example, you can recognize that some blame for what happened, but did not express regret or apologize. Or you can refer to the circumstances or the actions of another person, but does not mention their responsibilities.


You state: "It is a pity that it happened, but I am not guilty." You would be happy to apologize, but your ego does not allow you to admit your mistake. Perhaps you are too angry or disappointed, therefore, instead of sincerely admit your guilt, protect and deny everything. Denial will not help you to restore the relationship. Try to control the emotions and focus on what happened, and people. If you feel that emotions overflow you, take time out and relax. It is better to apologize later, but quietly and sincerely.

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